Wednesday, November 26, 2008

cigars.

i'm on a mission to complete the workloads. perrgghh banyak gile weh. ni lah jadi kalau tak buat awal2 record book.

pastu tengah2 malam mula la mintak ym id orang tu orang ni sebab nak tanya microbe la, forensic la..hehe..

pastu kan, my weight macam dah tak nak turun sangat dah. last time i checked it was 48.7kg. and body fat % pun remains at 25.1%.. kenape agaknye? nak tgk sampai january ni, ade improvement lagi tak, kalau dah takde, macam nak benti je amik HL ni.. kalau tak turun dah malas la nak amik. dah la pokai. baik simpan duit wat makan steak.

on the other hand, i noticed this one thing. whenever me and arif had a conversation about cigars and smoking, it must ended badly. i think i was at my best level chosing the right words not to sound harsh or pushing, but still i think it eventually turned him off. mesti takde mood dah nak cakap pastu. entah la.

if only he understands. if there is one thing that i would want to ask from him, it surely will be for him to stop smoking.. i failed to stop my father from doing so.. how i wish i could do that to u..

kenapa sy sgt sensitive pasal rokok? padahal kawan2 sy ramai je smoke. i grew up being friends with so many2 guys yang smoke. back then, i don't really mind.in fact, i think i never mind about it. until one day, when i was in the matriculation, i happened to get to know this one sweet girl.. sangat2 sweet.

so we got along well and all, and i came to know that she has lost her father when she was 13, following lung cancer. but that was not the turning point.

until one fine weekend, my other friend's parents came for a visit, and biasalah me and kawan2 pergi salam2 tu kan. so did this particular friend that i was telling. so okay la, dah salam2, we were kinda talking with the parents, and tiba2 je she ran upstairs..

being curious and caring, we followed to her room, finding she was sobbing on her bed...awhile later, i think she was ready enough to tell what was going on.. and she went like,

"korang, kite rindu ayah kite."

ok so our guess was right. she was so touched seeing my other friend with her parents.
then, she continued,

"korang, kalau ayah korang hisap rokok, please la suruh diorang stop, kalau boleh paksa, paksa la diorang, jangan bagi diorang hisap rokok lagi. kalau nanti dah jadi mcm ayah kite, dah takleh wat pape dah."

tuhan je tahu how i felt that time. mcm nak je call abah right away, but i just didn't know how to tell him, what to say and all.

few weeks later, i got out of the matriculation, and went back home. but i could not find a perfect time to talk to abah about it, until this one time, when me, abah, umi and brother in law, were having a dinner, and somehow the conversation was brought up and i told him the story about my friend and everything, and i dengan berjayanya cried at the table over the dinner. hehe pastu malu gile kot since my brother in law was there. lepas tu sumpah taknak dah cakap emo2 pasal smoking ke ape ke. i can get emotional easily when it comes to this issue.

so bukannya sy tak suka orang smoking sebab konon-budak-medic-mestila-tak-suka-orang-hisap-rokok..no no.. it is a konflik dalaman waaaayyy before i stepped into this path.

so arif, no i was not being pushy, but i just couldn't find the right words to convey this to u, the same way i couldn't do it with abah..

Friday, November 21, 2008

and owh. lupe satu lagi. i'm officially financially broke.

sape nak bagi duit dia so that i can kikis?? i kan gold digger, kikis duit orang bla bla bla bak kata orang gemuk hodoh bodoh tak sedar diri tua dah tak laku pastu perasan diri tu hebat sangat nak ugut2 orang bajet orang takut.. ha kan dah emo tak pasal2..

nak mintak duit ngan mak bapak pun dah trauma. karang org ckp kikis duit mak bapak pulak. gold-digger la katakan.

calling for pharmacologist..

mintak tolong.

any med students all over the world, who's been through pharmacology, thoroughly and successfully.

seriously i need help here.

how to pass pharmacology? see, i only need to pass, never dream for distinction ok.

which book is best to read? i keep switching from tripathi to satoskar and few other UK and US publishers. this does no good. i really need to stick to one book. and my professor is not helping at all. today he said satoskar is good, tomorrow he'll say i should read tripathi. what laa..

how to memorize all these drugs, at least until i finish the exams?? seriously memang kena paksa and mug everything up ke?? no easier way?

quote from professor, "u have to have the appetite to study".. ha macam mana tu..

erm, i have like another 3 months for my 3rd internal assessment, and my final is going to be in march, another 4 months to go...sempat ke ni.. freaked out ok.

nak tanya cheah la nanti.

pharmacology adalah subject paling susah dalam dunia. i think sape suka pharmacology will make a great doctor someday. no it's not that i'm not gonna be a good one, i will..checheyy.. tapi lambat la sikit kot.. merangkak2 la sikit..

tapi kan, tadi, during clinical posting, there was a case presentation by a postgrad student, and seriously i think kitorang, the undergrads, can do better case presentation than she did, be it history taking or the examination wise. i think all of us are well-trained that all the vital signs should be presented at the end of the general physical examination, and thyroid and breast examinations are very crucial in OBG cases, and she just missed all these things. how la? kiranya kitorang takde la teruk mana pun. byk main2 je. kalau serious sikit je sure gempak ni...haha.. tgk PG tu present tadi terus rasa diri sendiri cam pandai je sebenarnye..boleh ke mcm tu?

ape2 pun...saya mengaku sy memang tak pandai pharmacology. in fact mcm tak tau ape2.. camana ni...

Sunday, November 16, 2008

untukmu ariffin aka abang ripin.

dedicated to,

(ilustrasi menunjukkan contoh yang tidak baik)


A.N.G.E.L A.N.G.E.L
Just like a shadow
I'll be beside you
I'll be your comfort
I'm there to guide you home
I will provide you
A place of shelter
I wanna be your zone

Tell me what you wanted me to do
I'll make you great to be a man
With a woman who can stand
On every promise given
Making vows to please her man

If I could be your angel
Your angel, Your angel
Protect you from the pain
(from the pain oh..)
I'll keep you safe from danger
from danger, from danger
You'll never hurt again
(No More)
I'll be your a.n.g.e.l
(Yeah)
a.n.g.e.l, a.n.g.e.l
(Hey)
a.n.g.e.l
I'm gonna be your
(a.n.g.e.l)
I'll be your angel

Just like the moon
I'll step aside
And let your sun shine
While I follow behind
Cause baby what you got
You deserve all the props
With everything I'm not
and I'm so glad you're mine

Tell me what you wanted me to do
I'll make it great to be a man
With a woman who can stand
On every promise given
Making vows to please her man

If I could be your angel
(I could be your angel)
Your angel, Your angel
Protect you from the pain
(I will protect you from the pain)
[from the pain]
I'll keep you safe from danger
(I'm gonna keep you safe from danger)
from danger, from danger
You'll never hurt again
(You'll never hurt again)
I'll be your a.n.g.e.l
(ey hey)
a.n.g.e.l, (ey ey hey) a.n.g.e.l
I'm gonna be, gonna be
(a.n.g.e.l)
I'll be your angel

Tell me why there's so many good men
And the world misunderstood
He's a dog, he's no good
I wish somebody would

Disrespect my man
You're gonna have to come see me
I go hard for my baby
He's all that I need

So if you got a good one
Put your hands up,
Come on girl and stand up
Go ahead lift your man up
Get up
If you got a good one
Put your hands up
Come on girl and stand up
Go ahead lift your man up
Get up

If I could be your angel
Your angel, Your angel
(Protect you from the pain)
Protect you from the pain
(from the pain, from the pain)
[from the pain oh..]
I'll keep you safe from danger
(I'll keep you safe from danger)
from danger, from danger
You'll never hurt again
And you'll never hurt again
a.n.g.e.l, a.n.g.e.l
You'll never hurt again
a.n.g.e.l, a.n.g.e.l
You'll never hurt again
a.n.g.e.l, a.n.g.e.l,
a.n.g.e.l, (a.n.g.e.l) a.n.g.e.l
I'll be your angel


from us with love,

sayang,

dan anak kita,

Saturday, November 15, 2008

byk gile weyyyhh.

perkara-perkara yang membelenggu benak fikiran saya :

1. mycology charts 4-6. (sy pun tak ingat yang sy dah buat rupenye chart 1-3, sungguh membahagiakan.)

2. parasitology charts yang berlambak2.ni konfem tak buat langsung lagi. ade berapa charts pun sy tak sure.

3. virology short answers. sy berjaya menyiapkan 10 out of 25. berazam untuk menyiapkan kesemuanya malam ini juga.

4. virology short notes. none out of 25. berazam untuk menyiapkan sekurang2nya 5 malam ini.

5. pharmacology drug charts. banyak gila nak mati weh. sape dah siap nak pinjam please please pretty pleaseeeeeee.

6. pharmacology drug identity tests. saya tak jumpa dalam buku mana saya salin dulu. tapi takpe. neela dah siap.nanti pinjam je dia punya.

7. pharmacotherapeutic exercise. ni nanti2 lah. banyak lagi kerja lain. chewah cakap macam dah terror gila pharmac. bukan. ni orang panggil bodoh sombong.

8. microbiology test on virology - 18th nov.

9. pathology test on hepatobiliary system - 24th nov.

10. OBG exam. ni tak sure bile.nanti cek balik.

11. elaun buku + perkakas bila nak masuk? tiket pulang ke malaysia masih belum dibayar sepenuhnya.

12. setiap hari menjelang jam 6 pagi dan 6 petang, ade routine black-out. serious tak tipu. pastu kol 7 baru ade balik letrik. kenapekah sebenarnye?

13. sy asyik makan. risaukan berat badan yang besar kemungkinan akan naik kembali.

14. ipod dah macam tahi. tp tak tau nak beli ipod dulu atau camera dulu.

15. attendance percentage sy adalah di bawah syarat minimum.

16. nak beli printer. dgn syarat printer paling murah dalam dunia. bukannya selalu guna pun. dah kata homework pun kena handwritten kan.

17. mahu belajar berjimat cermat.


ha tu je. jom nangis same2 sebab baru terhegeh2 nak buat homework.

tini pun tak reply msg kat ym, musti tau aku nak pinjam homework ni, pastu tak nak layan aku ehhhhhhhhh..aku buang kicap kau baru tauuuu..hehe...

ok jom2 buat homework.

Friday, November 14, 2008

ini entry emo.

i am now going through a rough patch. with my studies and my personal life. i know i shouldn't be mixing and juggling up everything together, but this personal problem that i am having somehow affects my life so much.

i can't stop thinking about it. yeah, again, i know i shouldn't be, but being me, i can't just live my life happily, knowing the fact that people are badmouthing about me.

i wonder, where did some people earn their nerve to go to you, and complaining this and that about u, without even a slice of guilty or sympathy. is it never occur to you that i am also a typical human being, with feelings that can easily hurt? i would never do that to anyone. u do not even know me, in fact we never meet, so how can u judge me with so little u know about me? ok nak cakap kasar sikit, hey fugly perempuan, kau dengar cerita dari mulut orang yang sah2 benci aku *or at least takleh nak get over me and move on with his f***ing life*, pastu kau nak kutuk2 aku apehal? ade aku kacau kau?? aku tak pernah kenal kau, yang kau kecoh2 datang kutuk aku apehal? ape kau dapat? kau tau ape aku rasa? aku rasa kau ni adalah perempuan tua yang tak laku, pastu aku tau kau mesti suka kat dia sebenarnye, pastu aku tau die pun mesti taknak kat kau, pastu kau dengar cerita dia, kau konon2 tunjuk yang kau simpati kat dia, pastu kau pun bengang nak mati lah ngan aku kan, sebab konon2 nye aku ni lah yang jahat, *ye aku jahat, sbb aku yang tinggalkan dia, tapi ade kau tanya dia sbb ape aku tinggal dia?* tapi kalau kau tanya pun, mesti die ckp aku jgk yang jahat kan. tapi ape aku peduli. yang penting aku tak jadi bodoh macam die, mak bapak aku bahagia, dan aku pun bahagia. bukannya kekurangan kasih sayang macam kau.

kalau pun aku ni jahat, kalau pun aku ni berlakon je jadi baik, siapa kau nak judge aku? walaupun kau kerja kat mahkamah syariah ke, ape2 mahkamah pun ke, that doesn't give u the right to judge me. tu semua adalah between aku dgn Allah. seriously aku tak faham dgn kau. ape yang aku tau, kau memang bodoh. kau carik pasal ngan aku, kutuk2 aku depan2 aku, pastu bila aku diam, kau kata aku perasan yang kau nak korek cerita aku. kau tak rasa betapa bodohnya kau di situ?

one word to describe u, PATHETIC!

so tell me, kau puas hati dah dapat kutuk aku, ugut aku, kacau hidup aku? sbb terus terang aku cakap, aku memang dah affected gile lepas kau msg aku. tu je yang kau nak kan? so, BACK OFF now!

aku adalah sangat bengang sekarang. aku pun tak tau kau baca ke tak blog aku sebenarnye, tp aku pandai2 je la assume yang kau baca, sbb kau kan nak sangat cari modal nak kutuk aku, memandangkan kau dah takleh nak view friendster aku, nak msg aku pun dah tak boleh, aku nak tengok ade tak reply dari kau kat sini. kalau ada, sah kau memang takde keje campur bodoh tahap gaban.

ok dah. bukan senang nak suruh aku cakap kasar macam ni.

ni kalau arif baca rasa2 kena marah ke?

ok lah. sape2 yang tak tau pasal sape sy bengang2 ni, jangan tanya. termasuk adik beradik saya yang disayangi sekalian. tak payah tanya ape2.

anyhow...i'm so thankful that i have tons of friends who are always there for me, noticed my unwellness, and listened to me when i was meleleh with air mata and hingus dalam kelas tanpa malu kat orang lain.to neela, fara, yulie, tini, aha and anis, i couldn't say this better, u guys are great friends. being surrounded with these cheerful chirpy people really made my day and for a moment i forgot how cruel the outside world is.sayang korang ok. blushing blushing.haha.

and to arif, u are the most wonderful guy i've ever met, and to know u is a bliss. word fails me to tell you how grateful i am, but you never failed to let me feel loved by you.

till then, mwax!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

another tag.

Tajuk Hangat:PERIHAL 7jawapan
anda mestilah JUJUR,AMANAH,IKHLAS,SOPAN-SANTUN DAN BERPEGANG PADA PRINSIP... HEHEHEHE

Soalan 1 : 7 Ciri-ciri lelaki idaman anda.
1. i'm looking for a guy who is better than me in many ways, easy to say, one who can give me guidance, and i've definitely found one.
2. height is a must.
3. i would say that i prefer one who doesn't smoke, tp takpe lah.dimaafkan.hehe.
4. softspoken. i cannot tolerate guys ckp kasar2.tp takde lah sampai lembut kalah pompuan kan.
5. the one who listens to me. because i whine and complaint a lot.
6. sedap mata memandang.hehe.
7. funny! and considerate.and responsible. cheh byk plak kan.

Soalan 2 : lelaki yang pernah anda minati sepanjang hidup.*aiyok!*
1. leonardo diCaprio (haha.i know i know)
2. chad michael murray (nad, kite same di sini)
3. robert buckley
4. brad pitt
5. tak ingat dah.
6. tak ingat jgk.
7. muhammad ariff. *hihi.gelak2 gatal*

Soalan 3 : 7 perasaan sekiranya keluar dengan seseorang yang anda minati.
1. rama-rama di dalam perut.
2. sy seorang yg pemalu.tp takde la malu sgt kot.kalo malu sgt, takdenye sy kua ngn die plak kan.
3. berbunga2.sebab dia nak kluar ngn saye!!!
4. gigil2.
5. takut.. ape akan jadi sekiranya die adalah perogol bersiri sebenarnye?
6. control skit.dah kate jumpe ngn org yg kite minat kan.
7. excited la kot.

Soalan 4 : 7 tempat istimewa yang ingin dilawati bersama pasangan anda.

1. meh dtg jalan2 sini dulu.
2. mekah someday insya Allah.
3. US.
4. europe.
5. europe.
6. europe.
7. europe.

Soalan 5 : 7 barangan/sesuatu istimewa yang mungkin akan anda hadiahkan pada pasangan anda...
1. my trust.that is worth everything!
2. my love.
3. my kasih sayang. tak sama ngn love ok. love tu cinta.
4. seluruh jiwa dan raga.
5. nanti lah tanya arif dia nak ape lagi.
6. tak tanya arif lagi.
7. nanti arif bagi tau.


Soalan 6 : 7 tajuk lagu yang akan anda nyanyikan untuk pasangan anda.
1. fall for you.
2. aku dan dirimu.
3. your guardian angel.
4. sempurna.
5. finally.
6. blind.
7. kiss me. *hihi*


soalan 7 : 7 rakan yang anda tag dan mahu mereka buat PERIHAL 7 ini.WAJIB!!

ni malas nih.sape nk buat, buat lah.

Monday, November 10, 2008

awalnye arif tido.tak sempat gayut pon. rindu :(

nad, tag tu nanti elida wat esok2 la eh.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

my first tag ever.

buat julung2 kalinyaaaa.......i've been tagged! and it was by kak sufee.. after viewing her blog then only i finally managed to recall her.. she's one of kakliz's frens, ade2 penah datang rumah mase raye dolu2...hehe..

meh2 jom buat..semangat nehhh..

Rules of the tag:-
Link to your tagger and post these rules in your blog. Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird. Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs. Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

7 Facts that are random/weird about myself:

(or at least i think it is weird for me)

1. saya suka tengok perempuan cantik, comel, cun, lawa dan seangkatan dengannya. by suka i mean like really2 suka, to the extent that i'll be viewing their friendster or blog like everyday, kot2 ade gambar baru ke, teruja gile kot.padahal stengah2 org yg sy duk view tu tak kenal pn sy.in fact mcm takde kaitan langsung pun.hehe.ade ciri2 stalker ke mcm tu? tak kot..hehe.. it's like mengagumi keindahan ciptaan tuhan la.hehe..

2. i'm seriously addicted to tv series. like almost everything, minus heroes and smallville je, because i'm not really into superheroes thingy ni. everyday makan mesti depan laptop sambil tengok cerita.my external hard disk pun dah penuh with complete seasons of mcm2 tv series. dah siap hafal dah gossip girl keluar hari apa, grey's anatomy keluar hari apa etc2 sebab nak download cepat2. and 1 thing i just realized since few days back, download cerita di pagi hari time subuh adelah cepat gile nak mati. u can finish downloading 1 episode of one tree hill in only 30 minutes! memang tak tinggal subuh dah la kan pasni.

3. i'm still homesick. ni adelah penyakit chronic drp kecit sampai besar. tp skarang ok la skit. takde lah emo sgt.dulu asal tringat je nangis.

4. i don't know why, tp allowance mara bagi tiap2 bulan tak penah cukup.why ah? orang lain boleh saving siap boleh bwk balik mesia ribu-ribuan lagi, sy nk beli tiket pun mintak belas kasihan abah umi. camane tu? tp kan, skarang cam ok la, sbb USD tengah naik kan, byk la skit dapat.best2.

5. sy sgt2lah mudah terasa. when arif raised his voice sikit pun dah tak boleh. tp sy cepat mrh jgk. pastu arif plak terasa. pade muko.

perghhhh.takleh nak pk dah.

6. when i ate a lot, sy akan menyesal yang sangat2. but i really love to eat. so macam mana tu?

7. sy tau ramai org ingat sy sombong. tak benar. ye la i won't be the one who'll start a conversation, but try me, i talk a lot okay.

yeay cukup 7 dah punnn...taktau nak tag sape. tag kak sufee balik ah. hehe..

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

my one and only.

u know how wonderful it is to finally find someone who loves u so dearly, be there for u to cheer u up whenever u're turned down, who listens to ur whiny and never forget to say beautiful words just to make u feel better.

it is so wonderful. and it is so beautiful.

that is how i feel when i've finally met my muhammad ariff.

u've given me so much love, i could not ask for more.

i love you, thank u so much, for everything.

mwah!

Monday, November 3, 2008

serai

i think i'm gonna have to bunk another pharmacology tutorial tomorrow. i wanted to read, but then i think my face has been stung by something, just below my lower eyelid, it irritates a lot, pastu taktau nak letak ape, letak la bam serai wangi ke ape ntah, pastu pedih mata pulak. sbb termasuk2 dlm mata. pastu skarang ni dah sakit2 kepala, lately asyik kena migraine je, i've had 2 attacks in a week. nape ni......

tp rasa mcm taknak ponteng. mcm mana ni...i think i'll try to have some sleep, pastu bgn balik bace buku...boleh caya ke?

on the other hand, hari ni sy berwebbie with arif, after almost 3 weeks tak tgk dia. arif beli laptop baruuuuuuu..org mintak tukar taknak bagi, huh kedekut!

Sunday, November 2, 2008

tumit kaki

my heels start to crack again. urgggghhh. balik india je musti crack. sbb tanah kat sini kering plus very2 dusty kot. and lately i prefer to wear sandals most of the times. kena start pakai pumps balik la ni.baru je nak tayang2 kaki skit.hihihi.

suggestion anyone? i tried yg scholl punye crack heel cream before, it works, tp lambat. nak pakai losyen je tak cukup power, sbb kaki dah mcm kaki keling tak penah pakai kasut seumur hidup *exaggerate, exaggerate*

lapar la. nk makan maggi ke nak makan biskut je?? maggi ke biskut? maggi lagi sedap, tp ni dah pukul 10, lagi 2 jam nak tdo, nanti gemuk, biskut tak berapa sedap, tp ok la kasik kenyang skit, pastu tido terus,takde la menggemukkan sgt kan.makan biskut je lah. pastu wat air milo 3in1.mcm sedap jgk.


till then, mwax!

Saturday, November 1, 2008

hari menggemukkan diri.

so today i went out with the girls. tinie brought us to The Only Place. yes tu nama kedai tu. ok la it's like a steak house, with lots of kind of steak. sgt byk, pening nak pilih. tepek gambar je lah, malas nak tulis panjang2.

these pics were actually taken mase kat gelato, since fara and yulie tk sampai lg, kitorang lepak2 mkn ice cream dulu.

The Only Place. will be updating with more piccas.

pastu me and neela went to the Garuda mall, sbb neela wanted to trim her hair. so bosan2 duk tunggu neela tu kan, amik la gambar2 duk syok2 sendiri kan. katalah pantang tengok cermin kan.
hehe. dah kata bosan kan. harus lah byk gambar muka sdiri.

later went into MNG, fell in love with this one.hihi dah boleh pakai slim fit size 26.dulu jgn harap la kan, size 28 pun mcm sarung nangka. ade sape2 nak belanja tak? birthday saya bulan 6 ari tu, sape2 tak bagi lagi present,boleh bagi ni. i think i'm gonna get this bila allowance buku masuk nanti. tp arif said tunggu beli kat msia je la, it is much cheaper. nakkkkkk..


baru perasan kaki ayam. yes i have a habit, masuk fitting room kena bukak kasut. taktau nape. even nak try baju pun kasut harus kena bukak dulu.tp takde la bukak kasut kat luar fitting room tu kan, ala2 mcm nak masuk rumah tu, ni bukak kasut kat dalam fitting room tu la.

ok tu jer for today.

and btw, i love my arif so much. he always has his ways to make me melt and melt with him, over and over again!

till then, mwax!

 
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